Lesson 1 - The Science & Why it Works?
Lesson 1 - The Science
3 Main Referral Motivators:
👉 Social Capital
So, what is Social Capital? Well, what does it mean if someone has a lot of financial capital? It means they have a lot of $$$. They’ve got the dough, the Quan!
If you have a lot of Social Capital, you’ve got a lot of power and influence within your sphere of influence. It means people in your tribe look to you for guidance, direction, advice, and they respect you.
To a greater extent, the more Social Capital you amass, the more important you feel. The more you “matter” to others.
We all want to matter right!? We all want to be wanted, and we all want to feel important
“The will to survive evolves, in a higher creature like us, into the will to matter”
In fact, Goldstein sees the concept of mattering as so important to human beings that we’d live an incoherent life without it.
The will to matter effects almost every decision we make. From the clothes we wear to the friends we choose, to the cars we drive & so much more.
We constantly try to portray ourselves to others in a way that we think will make them like us better or think we’re more important or better off than we really are. We see it every day in social media and hundreds of other examples.
However, the interesting thing is that unlike financial capital, our pursuit for social capital is mostly subconscious. We use phrases like reputation to describe it.
How many times have you heard someone say:
“My name/reputation is on the line when I refer someone, so I’m really careful about who I recommend?”
Or in other words:
“My social capital is on the line when I refer someone, so I’m really careful about who I recommend because I don’t want to lose my importance or influence with the people in my tribe?
“It takes 20 years to build a reputation and 5 minutes to ruin it. If you think about that you’ll do things differently”
If one of the best investors and richest people of all time is intrinsically more driven by his pursuit for social capital as opposed to financial capital, don’t you think your clients are as well.
The key is to prove to your clients as quickly as possible that you are like warren buffet would say “a good social capital investment”
How do you prove to your clients that you are worth the risk?
Stop making referrals about you and start make it ALL about them!
How do I do that?
Let’s start with how NOT to do it
· Business Cards – What do you notice?
· Sunflower Seeds – It’s all about you?
· Goldfish – throw these away!
· Stop making direct requests about you & your business
· Stop asking without 1st preparing them
· Stop thinking about clients as numbers
· Stop ignoring or fighting client feedback
· Stop winging everything!!!
How do you prove you’re a smart investment in your client’s Social Capital?
· Create a Consistent Value First Process
· Engage your clients
· Make it about them & their tribe
· Create the paradigm shift
👉 Cognitive Dissonance
Everyone experiences some form of cognitive dissonance or buyer’s remorse within the 1st 24-48 hours of making a big decision.
It is typically more pronounced when you have to make a decision between two or more seemingly similar options.
For example, I'm a huge nerd when it comes to technology. In all honesty, I usually don't even know how to use it, but that's beside the point. The last time I decided to buy a new TV, I spent hours researching and comparing everything I could find on all the available options. Once I decided that I had found the best TV, I excitedly ran down to the store and confidently laid my hard-earned money down to purchase the TV.
After about a day of fiddling with all of the new features I had some unsettling thoughts pop in my mind:
"Did I pay too much, or miss some other discount?"
"Did I even get the best TV?
“Is it possible I missed something better?"
I was experiencing cognitive dissonance, or buyer’s remorse. The best way that I could validate my decision to purchase this TV was to invite all of my friends over the next weekend to watch a game. I showed them all of the functions, raved about the clarity and pixel count and even bragged about the price I got. Every time they agreed with me and talked about how great the TV was, it further validated my decision to have purchased the TV.
I was Sony’s best TV salesperson for about 2 weeks because I was filling the need to validate the decision, I had just made to purchase my TV.
The same is true for your clients. Once they decide to work with you and sign on the dotted line, you'd better have a pretty amazing on-boarding process in place that also has some strategically placed requests for referrals. They will naturally be telling others about the decision they made to use your services, so during this time period they have an extremely high probability of referring you. The first 48 hours after they decide to use you is crucial, so make sure you wow them with value, and that you make it easy for them to refer you.
How many times have you had the thought, or maybe even heard someone say:
"you've gotta earn the right to ask for the referral" or
"wait until you've finished the transaction to make sure they're satisfied"
It seems like common sense, right? Well, unfortunately common sense and psychology don't always see eye to eye and if you're waiting until the end of the transaction to request referrals, you’re leaving thousands of dollars in missed opportunities on the table.
Not only does requesting referrals in the beginning of your transaction increase the probability or referrals moving forward, it also sets your clients Reticular Activating System, R.A.S. This is a part of the brain that contributes to conscious thought.
Have you ever purchased a new vehicle and then all of the sudden started noticing that vehicle everywhere? It’s obviously not because everyone else decided to purchase the same vehicle all of the sudden. Those vehicles have always been there, you just haven’t noticed it because it wasn’t important enough prior to your purchase to be conscious.
So many times, I hear sales professionals who are resistant to requesting referrals say things like:
“I don’t believe in asking for referrals. If I do a good enough job, they’ll refer me on their own”
Well, I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but that isn’t likely. Though humans have the ability to perceive limitless things subconsciously, we only have a finite amount of conscious thought space, so only the most important things get through.
If they are purchasing a house, then they are very conscious of others in their life who are also in the same process or who will shortly be purchasing or refinancing, however they may not consciously make the connection they should be introducing those people to you. By requesting referrals in the beginning in the right way, you are effectively able to make the importance of referring you a conscious thought for them throughout the remainder of the transaction and beyond. This is how you become a referral Jedi!
👉 Human Connection
From the dawn of human history, we have relied on one another to survive, learn and grow. On the opposite end of the spectrum in those early days, if someone stronger or more important than you in your tribe didn’t like the way you dressed, or something you said or did, it could lead to you being bullied, taken advantage of, being ostracized, and basically getting the scraps of everything, which wouldn’t have been very comfortable., or worse, if you were banished or kicked out of your social circle (the tribe), you wouldn’t have survived very long. It was the equivalent of the death sentence. This is one of the main reasons most humans have an innate fear of judgement and rejection, and social capital is still such an incredible subconscious motivator.
The need to be in tribe was so important to our survival as a species, that the reward center of our brain actually evolved over time to send out increased levels of serotonin whenever we made friendly connections or created relationship for ourselves or others. This was our brains way to motivate us to create community and social structure. It’s a survival mechanism. This is why it feels good to connect with and help others or be in contribution today.
Our brains are still rewarding us for performing those actions that we're so vital to our survival in early human history, and as a result, we subconsciously look for opportunities to help & connect others.
Some people enjoy the feeling so much that they actually identify as a connector, a match maker. They love the feeling (chemical release) that comes when they connect two people and those people hit it off, become friends or benefit each other. It also benefits them as the connector as they often gain a more trusted position in the lives of the individuals they connected, and they often see reciprocation of value from the people they connected as those individuals naturally feel a sense of gratitude and even indebtedness. This is another example of the value of Social Capital.
Your clients naturally want to connect you to others in their tribe, the key is to prove that you will benefit their social capital pursuit rather than hurt it. Once they feel that you are a great investment in that pursuit, their natural tendency to connect you to others will be unimpeded. You can then use that to continue to instruct them on the most effective ways to introduce you moving forward through referral templates, which you will learn later in this course.
The 3 main motivators that you can leverage moving forward are your clients:
· Subconscious Pursuit of Social Capital
· Desire to dissipate buyer’s remorse
· Innate desire to connect themselves & their tribe